What if Dota heroes lived in the Real World?

In a time not so long ago, In a parallel universe not so far away, there lived Dota heroes much like the ones we play with today.Here is a brief glimpse at what happens in some of their "almost" normal lives:

Rikimaru attempts to backstab someone, but it turns out he had kevlar on and carried a shotgun.
Rhasta spawns serpent wards on a plane, inspiring the movie "Snakes on a Plane"
Enigma creates a blackhole in the bermuda triangle, causing many ships, airplanes and pidgeons to be transported to another dimension where barney the dinosaur is straight and pigs fly.
Lightning Revenant becomes an outcast from society because anyone who goes near him is struck by lightning every 3 seconds.
Sniper is hired to hit a mafia boss, but drinks too much beforehand and misses the shot, killing a nearby cat instead. Unfortunately the cat belonged to lina inverse, who promptly nukes him to oblivion in a fit of rage.
Tiny takes up residence in the himalayas where he tosses unsuspecting travellers off the mountains, thereby making him a feared demon-god in local folklore
Goblin techies runs up to the opposing team while playing football, shouts "SUICIDE SQUAD FTW" and blows himself up.
Juggurnaut is sent to slay the tiny beast, but after activating bladefury, he becomes dizzy, stumbles and falls off a cliff.
Alchemist forgets to read the directions to his chemistry set and blows his house up.
Pudge opens a butcher shop in the middle east, but is arrested when authorities learn that he sells meat off his own body.
The Two Headed Dragon's two heads have a fight over who gets the tv remote, resulting in one head killing the other. It prefers to be known as the one headed dragon now.
Necrolyte is arrested for acts of necrophilia
Bone fletcher goes broke, and finds a job in a science lab as an anatomy specimen.
Lycanthrope stars as a stunt double for the werewolf professor lupin in Harry potter, the Prisoner of Azkaban
Bristleback is ambushed by a group of hunters who kill him and make roast bacon out of him.
Dragon Knight: forgets dragon form before flying off a building, and falls in slow motion like wiley e coyote from the road runner show.
Faceless void: Miscasts backtrack and goes all the way back in time to the jurassic era.
Drow Ranger: Marries Bon jovi, then divorces him after shooting him with an arrow during an argument. This inspired the song, "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, you give love a bad name"
Slardar: Sinks the titanic after it crashes into his favorite iceberg.
Naix: Gets ripped to shreds by secret service agents after trying to eat the president of the US
Death Prophet: Burnt at stake during salem witch trials for practice of witchcraft
Panda: Gets into a drunken brawl with Russell crowe. He later joins Alcoholics anonymous for his drinking problems
Tormented Soul: Undergoing shock therapy for depression.
Bounty Hunter gets hired as a private detective to investigate infidelity issues.
Ursa warrior stars in a kids tv show called playtime with fuzzywuzzy.
Furion accidently teleports into a tree and is promptly impaled.
Nightstalker becomes a bouncer at a bar.
Magnataur accidently hits himself on the head with his club. He now believes hes a pokemon.
Viper gets shot down by british fighters during world war 2 after they believe he's the latest model of german fighters.
Pugna gets mobbed by people every time he goes out coz they mistake him for michael jackson after michael's plastic surgery.
Troll goes berserk with rage on a flight when he is not given his cocoa puffs. He is sentenced to 10 weeks of anger management with Jack Nicholson like Adam Sandler.
Spectre gets pwned by the ghostbusters.
Rooftrellen fell asleep standing and is now someone's grandmother's armchair. (thx to lucknskll for this one)
Ogre magi sues pixar for the stereotyping of ogres in the movie shrek. He claims that now people believe all ogres are green and talk with scottish accents.
Phantom lancer is heartbroken when he finds out that his images have been sleeping with his girlfriend.
Lucifer has airconditioning installed in hell because the inhabitants keep annoying him about the heat.[/list]

1) you play too much dota
2) you have too much time on your hands

Lol this was actually quite interesting esp. the one where panda gets into a drunken brawl with Russell Crowe.

RUSSELL CROWE FOIGHTIN 'ROUND TEH WORRRLLLDDDDD!!!!

STAY OFF THE ACIDDDDDDDDDDD

lol whered u find this?

They were running outa ideas 2wards the end :S haha

was searching for more pirate replays and came up with it. genk can vouch for me, im getting better with him non warder hero FTW

Mhmm, he hits more ships than I do...

None of this is relevant, of course, because Pirate does not possess the spell "Doom".

Mhmm, he hits more ships than I do...

None of this is relevant, of course, because Pirate does not possess the spell "Doom", "Counter Helix" or "Greater Bash"

FIXED

but he can push x gg. Now u just gta work on ur farming/lasthitting if u wna solo him, or if u wna carry.

Shouldn't be too hard pirate is probably one of the easiest(if not the easiest) melee hero to last hit with and he has some pretty imba lane control with tidebringer if hes solo.

the thing i like bout pirates last hitting as a melee is that he can use tidebringer to last hit shit from a distance (so not to get out of position etc)